Shower Time.

Posted: December 5, 2012 in life
Tags: , , , , , , ,

I was standing in the shower this morning having a heated argument with a lady from the night before when I realised I actually spend a very small amount of time in there actively attempting to get clean.  I seem to split my time in the shower between three or four different things, none of which involve the dark thoughts you just got in your mind.

The argument was in full flow when I realised I had been playing both parts of this for several minutes, obviously steering it so that I repeatedly won the parody in various manners all of which made me look somewhat heroic or at the very least the bane of everything illogical.  I go through this routine every morning, running through a myriad of different situations that have either happened the day before or I suspect will happen at some point in the near future.  Unfortunately I never appear to be as witty, concise or utterly unswerving in the reality of each situation.  If I ever happen to learn this talent, expect to see me at the forefront of society leading the line against the unworthy.  Until that day, I will spend a large percentage of my shower time in heated debate with nobody in particular.

One of my main irks with the average shower design is that it hits only a relatively small portion of your body at any one time.  This leads me to perform a slow and constant anti-clockwise spin like a tragic rotisserie in an attempt to keep heat evenly distributed.  I find that this couples very well with a stare and a completely blank mind.  I am not sure how long I do this for in the shower, time becomes an incredibly abstract concept when you are caught in the rigours of a good stare.  I imagine it’s a fair percentage of my overall shower time though.

Singing.  We all do it, I’m relatively sure.  Some of us are more vocal than others, some maybe just hum a tune and I’m sure some just sing in their heads.  I am one of the vocal ones.  I give it beans.  I am not sure how the song selection works, but I seem to range from Bonnie Tyler through to Deep Purple through to Alkaline Trio and back to Bruno Mars.  I don’t even particularly like some of the songs I sing.  I found myself bursting in to Barbie Girl by Aqua the other day, which stuck with me throughout the day as anyone who sits near me in work can attest.  I’m sorry about that.  I will give any of my neighbours two or three songs every morning, of which I’m relatively certain they appreciate the artistry in a quiet and judgemental sort of way.

The final thing I do is something I feel I should probably not share with the world.  It’s something that has stuck with me from childhood, and although it surfaces a lot less these days I still do it.  It often causes a bit of a mess as water splashes over the floor.  I have pretend battles.  Some days I will be a great knight, others a master magician.  I think it stems from those fantasy books I loved so much as a child.  I still love them now, but it felt less socially awkward to say it that way.  I won’t dwell on this too long, but needless to say my fireballs are awesome.

The by-product of all of this is getting clean.  I absently scrub my body and wash my hair while all my focus is on vastly more important things.  I seem to pass in to a sleep-like trance during this period and time goes past all too quickly.  When I return to some level of sentience I know my time in the shower has ended and I smell that much better for it, even if I have no real memory of actually washing.  I’m sure I have washed my hair two or three times in a row as a result of losing track…

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