Would Bristish Summer be your friend, if seasons were people?

Posted: July 7, 2013 in life
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

She loves pubbing, clubbing, picnics in the park, cold beer and lying in the grass… But would you really want to date BritishSummer2013? She’ll only let you down

Britain has a difficult relationship with summer. We plan for it, we build our calendars around it, we wait for it so hard we wear our waiting bench out. And then it comes, and it’s… this. Rather than that dreamy mix of Calippo heat and sleepy hangover we dreamed of, our lawns scorching over a single weekend, it’s a humid mess of white skies and uncollected rubbish. But I feel for it. Like an athlete, pre-Olympics, the pressure for summer to perform must be crippling. I imagine British Summer must be lonely. I imagine she might be looking for company.

About me
Hiya! Where to start – I hate these things. So… *deep breath* I’m new to “the dating world”, so to speak, so do be gentle with me. I’m fragile! Ha ha, not really. But seriously, I’ve just come out of a long relationship and want to take things slowly. Some quite deep emotional damage there that I’m only just unpicking. It’s really quite interesting. I think you’d be interested.

The first things people notice about BritishSummer2013
People are totally drawn to me. Perhaps it’s my sunny disposition, perhaps the glittery tinkle of my pet mosquitos? Hygiene: not amazing (litter), but I look glorious through an Amaro Instagram filter. TBH I have no difficulty getting noticed. It’s the bitterness and resentment that follows that’s the problem! Joke.

Why should you get to know BritishSummer2013?
I love late-night talks well into dawn. I enjoy cold beers, hot tea, the smell of cut grass, heavy rain. I’m fun-loving, very romantic, prettyeasy-going (though Spring Break might care to differ!) and I love to laugh. I like pubbing, clubbing, walks in the country, picnics in the park, heavy rain. My ex says I’m a “spoiler”, but to be honest if you’re the kind of guy who starts literally crying when your beach hut gets flooded and finds my hard-earned barbecue optimism “relentless”, then maybe we’re just not meant to be. I try so, so hard.

Star sign
Leo 🙂

What I’m reading at the moment
I’m halfway through Gone Girl on my Kindle, but it’s a bit dark for me! I’d love someone to talk to about it. I spend a lot of time alone at the moment. Other people don’t seem to trust me. Do you appreciate honesty? I do. My dream is to meet someone who doesn’t come to me with preconceived ideas about what “BritishSummer2013” should be like. Sure, people expect me to provide a certain level of relaxation, and I’m super-cool with that, but that’s not all there is to me, OK? I’m complex. When we end up sheltering from a flash storm in Tamworth Services when we’re meant to be half way across Brittany, I’d beg you to see the romance in it and remember I’m not the boss of Rain. Yes, OK, I’m his line manager while Spring’s on maternity, but there’s a system in place. What I’m saying is, I need someone who “gets me”. Christmas never gets this shit.

My ideal match
I may not fall into your “25-30, Penelope Cruz-a-like, professional” requirements (lol, in your dreams, Boxing Day), but I’m the kind of girl who just takes chances. I’m the kind of girl who runs through fields in bare feet. The kind of girl who kicks off her shoes and dances in a storm. Yeah, I have a lot of hard skin on my heels. Is that too real for you? Sorry. Keep it together, Summer. OK. I need someone who likes to travel. I spend a lot of time in that queue at Gatwick, trying to finish my water before customs. Much of my income is spent on duty-free Toblerones. Did you know Ryanair has got rid of the pockets on the backs of its seats? I can tell you that sort of fact. I have thousands of them. Why don’t you love me like you used to? Sorry. Shut up, Summer. Silly Summer. Silly, silly Summer.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s